Sorry for that too, [ he murmurs. he has to sit around and hang his head for a second for more reasons than just the awful throbbing it's doing right now, but that's some crybaby shit. as soon as he knows he's not going to faint like a wilting daisy again, he lifts it back up.
obviously, they do need to Talk, but it's rough to figure out where to start when he can't even remember what he said or qi fang said, what was real or what was in his head. it's still all fucked up. and anyway, this is maybe not the place to do it. ]
Do you wanna go home? I get it, if you don't wanna stick around, but...
[ instead of answering right away, qi fang glances over at the bench. their trays have pretty much been taken over by the birds, his ten-piece made very quickly into dozens-of-smaller-pieces. somehow it just feels right he still hasn't gotten his mcnuggets out of this deal.
then he looks back at reki, suddenly tired. ]
I'll walk you home, at least.
[ whether or not he stays... he isn't sure. things still feel a little weird.
but he's back on his feet soon enough, dusting off his pants and hands before reaching out to help reki up. ]
[ between that look and the way qi fang takes his hand, reki's heart is sinking straight into his stomach. he knows he's fucked up, but he's done that enough to know there's a spectrum—and he's on the outrageous end of it now.
as soon as he's on his feet, he shoves his hands into his pockets, thinking. ]
I'm good. Y'know, if you wanna skip the walk. I'll be okay on my own for a minute.
[ qi fang levels an even look at reki, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. ]
Maybe, but I'm walking you home anyway.
[ he'd meant what he said before, even if reki can't remember it now. reki is still technically hurt; no way in hell is qi fang gonna leave him alone for a second, just because things are weird.
he starts on the path first, but makes it a point to wait for reki to catch up. ]
[ reki has to avert his eyes. that smile never does anything but make him anxious. of course, glancing back at the birds feasting on their lunch isn't much better; it's like a big neon sign shouting, "look at what you fucking ruined today." ]
Sure, yeah. Thanks.
[ he catches up easily enough, but can't help but hang back a bit as they walk. it seems only right to go quiet and think about what he did, even if the pieces aren't all fitting together in a way that makes sense. ]
[ the walk is, of course, very silent. neither of them bother to speak, both not knowing what to say but for different reasons. qi fang himself feels unwilling to put up his usual cheery persona, quietly withdrawing into himself as his steps work on autopilot to take them back to a home he's been visitor to more often than not lately. the walk itself feels too short. seemingly no sooner had he begun to sink into the dull roar of his mind were they coming up onto a familiar walk way. his steps slow, feet dragging. he thought he'd know what he'd want to do by the time they got there, but he's still no closer to figuring it out than when they'd started.
he ends up stopping right at the driveway, turning to face reki there instead of at the door, where the risk of being welcomed in is too high. even from where they stand, he can hear the usual chaos of the kyan household echoing from within. ]
Let's pick this up later, hm? You had a long day so you should take it easy.
[ it's both the longest and shortest walk of his life. certainly puts into perspective, too, how selfish he is, how badly he longs the entire time to close the distance and beg for qi fang to touch him again. but this is uncharted territory and he's got no idea where to begin with it, especially not with a fuzzy brain and a very loose grasp on the issue that caused this.
he still hasn't figured anything out by the time they stop either. sooner than he thought they would, which makes sense as much as it winds him, like that last couple of feet would be enough to scare the anxiety of parting away. (that was part of it, right? or something that he convinced himself was part of it. see, this is the problem.) ]
Yeah...
[ and that's that. right? now he just has to watch qi fang walk away. except that he can't really bring himself to do that yet, reaching out to grab his arm, his head dipping guiltily. ]
[ truthfully, qi fang's plan was to send reki off, not leave until he was sure the other boy was safely back in his him. so he hadn't even moved when that hand reaches out, curling around his arm. he eyes reki for the moment, or rather, eyes the top of his head. ]
That wasn't even a thought, man.
[ he tips his head curiously. ]
But shouldn't I be the one saying that to you?
[ qi fang doesn't know, of course. he doesn't even realize that reki doesn't remember anything from their fight, if you can even consider it one. it's why he sounds a little confused, a little tired. were he stronger, he might have had the energy to rehash it all.
instead he just presses a light kiss to the corner of reki's mouth, a quiet promise this isn't the end. even if it feels that way at the time. ]
Get some rest. Text me when you're feeling better, okay?
[ that... doesn't gel with anything that he can recall. he knows they fought, he knows he started it, and he thought he knew the outcome, but qi fang's question throws all the fundamentals out the window. now the only real thing he knows for sure is that he and qi fang have two totally different perceptions of what happened, and the only thing that can mean is that he's going crazy.
again. ]
.... Oh.
[ his voice is lighter, airier, made smaller by the fear that's blooming in his chest. if there was ever a reason to give up on somebody, this sure is a good one. how can you even trust someone who is so removed from reality?
instead he gets a kiss and reassurance when it really oughtta be the other way around. he takes a deep breath. ]
I need to tell you something. But I can text it, I mean. You probably wanna get home.
[ he should stay, hear reki out. but by now he can't even pretend this want for space is all about reki's well-being. ]
It's... been kind of a day. Let's talk after we both get some rest, okay?
[ he feels a weird mixture of exhaustion and restlessness, but something tells him he won't be able to do anything about it sticking around. he wants to know what reki has to say, but at the same time he doesn't have the energy to hear it, let alone listen. ]
[ there's still the harrowing feeling that letting qi fang go means something bigger than not seeing him for a little while, but. that's another one of those things for later. he takes a moment to flash the biggest smile he can manage as he takes a step back, toward the grinning shisa guarding the lawn. ]
[ it's that smile that tells qi fang that leaving now is a mistake, but he's already made his bed. now all he can do is commit to his cowardice. quietly, he sighs to himself and pivots on his heel to make the walk back to his own home, though he only gets down the block before he's pulling out his phone, scrolling through his contacts for a certain kyan. ]
Koyomi it's Qi Fang Do me a favor? I'll make another tiktok with you Keep an eye on Reki today, just check in on him every couple of hours Thanks
[ when he gets home he puts his phone on silent and falls into bed, hoping the fatigue in his bones is enough to silence his aching head. ]
[ by the time qi fang rouses, it's pitch-black in his room. brain fogged up with sleep, it takes him a few seconds to even remember where he is, where he came from. once the day catches back up to him, he's sitting up in a flash, woozy and feeling like he's burning up from the inside-out but it doesn't stop him from grabbing up his phone and hastily scrolling through the missed messages he'd received. even through the fog he can piece together what's happened, so he fires off a quick text to koyomi so she doesn't worry: ]
Thanks Ko I'll find him don't worry
[ with reki, though, he hesitates. actually sits up on the edge of his bed and scrubs at his face a few times before taking the time to respond back. ]
[ a few more scrubs and qi fang decides a full on shower is in order if he wants to try and clear up the fog thickening up his thoughts, making his head feel heavy and slow.
once out in the hall he can hear one of his parents moving about downstairs in the kitchen, so he slows his steps to be even quieter till he gets into the bathroom. ]
[ qi fang types and almost sends You should've stayed home if you still aren't feeling well but decides against it at the last second.
instead he just sends: ]
K See you soon
[ thinking there's not much left to say, he hops into the scalding shower to try and scrub off the muggy feeling from his bones.
by the time he's done he's only got about 8 minutes till their meeting time, so he hauls ass to dry up and get dressed. he still feels gross and sluggish, but he chalks that up to being reluctant about having to have whatever talk they're about to have. just the same, he bundles up extra before heading out, a lingering chill still nipping at his bones.
he's a little late, but not by much, when he finally gets to the park, squinting through the halo of streetlights to try and make out a familiar head of hair. ]
[ this late at night, there's only two of them here: reki curled up on a bench with a cold compress glumly pressed to his temple, watching as that new transfer student from their class wobbles like a baby deer on his board. the other is the first to see qi fang, motioning and prompting reki to turn in his seat and flash a misty smile into the darkness. ]
Heyyy. Over here.
[ blindly, he returns the dap that's coming to him, waving langa off as he wordlessly moves to collect his things and take his leave. reki does the rest, clearing empty water bottles and his smallest first aid kit off the bench to make room beside himself. ]
[ qi fang absently notes who the other person is — new student, kind of reticent, but a decent enough kid from the few interactions qi fang had had with him — before turning his attention to reki on the bench. he waits until langa is out of earshot before addressing him, taking up the space made for him without hesitation. ]
[ reki still can't quite bring himself to meet qi fang's eyes, even after all this time spent in miserable contemplation. there's just too much up in the air still that he can't really sort out in his head, and it feels wrong to exchange glances when he isn't really certain where they stand. ]
... Better, I think.
[ he does steal a quick glance as he tucks away the compress. not that it was doing anything to begin with but keeping his friend off his case. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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obviously, they do need to Talk, but it's rough to figure out where to start when he can't even remember what he said or qi fang said, what was real or what was in his head. it's still all fucked up. and anyway, this is maybe not the place to do it. ]
Do you wanna go home? I get it, if you don't wanna stick around, but...
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then he looks back at reki, suddenly tired. ]
I'll walk you home, at least.
[ whether or not he stays... he isn't sure. things still feel a little weird.
but he's back on his feet soon enough, dusting off his pants and hands before reaching out to help reki up. ]
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as soon as he's on his feet, he shoves his hands into his pockets, thinking. ]
I'm good. Y'know, if you wanna skip the walk. I'll be okay on my own for a minute.
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Maybe, but I'm walking you home anyway.
[ he'd meant what he said before, even if reki can't remember it now. reki is still technically hurt; no way in hell is qi fang gonna leave him alone for a second, just because things are weird.
he starts on the path first, but makes it a point to wait for reki to catch up. ]
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Sure, yeah. Thanks.
[ he catches up easily enough, but can't help but hang back a bit as they walk. it seems only right to go quiet and think about what he did, even if the pieces aren't all fitting together in a way that makes sense. ]
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he ends up stopping right at the driveway, turning to face reki there instead of at the door, where the risk of being welcomed in is too high. even from where they stand, he can hear the usual chaos of the kyan household echoing from within. ]
Let's pick this up later, hm? You had a long day so you should take it easy.
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he still hasn't figured anything out by the time they stop either. sooner than he thought they would, which makes sense as much as it winds him, like that last couple of feet would be enough to scare the anxiety of parting away. (that was part of it, right? or something that he convinced himself was part of it. see, this is the problem.) ]
Yeah...
[ and that's that. right? now he just has to watch qi fang walk away. except that he can't really bring himself to do that yet, reaching out to grab his arm, his head dipping guiltily. ]
Please don't give up on me yet.
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That wasn't even a thought, man.
[ he tips his head curiously. ]
But shouldn't I be the one saying that to you?
[ qi fang doesn't know, of course. he doesn't even realize that reki doesn't remember anything from their fight, if you can even consider it one. it's why he sounds a little confused, a little tired. were he stronger, he might have had the energy to rehash it all.
instead he just presses a light kiss to the corner of reki's mouth, a quiet promise this isn't the end. even if it feels that way at the time. ]
Get some rest. Text me when you're feeling better, okay?
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again. ]
.... Oh.
[ his voice is lighter, airier, made smaller by the fear that's blooming in his chest. if there was ever a reason to give up on somebody, this sure is a good one. how can you even trust someone who is so removed from reality?
instead he gets a kiss and reassurance when it really oughtta be the other way around. he takes a deep breath. ]
I need to tell you something. But I can text it, I mean. You probably wanna get home.
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It's... been kind of a day. Let's talk after we both get some rest, okay?
[ he feels a weird mixture of exhaustion and restlessness, but something tells him he won't be able to do anything about it sticking around. he wants to know what reki has to say, but at the same time he doesn't have the energy to hear it, let alone listen. ]
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[ there's still the harrowing feeling that letting qi fang go means something bigger than not seeing him for a little while, but. that's another one of those things for later. he takes a moment to flash the biggest smile he can manage as he takes a step back, toward the grinning shisa guarding the lawn. ]
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Koyomi it's Qi Fang
Do me a favor? I'll make another tiktok with you
Keep an eye on Reki today, just check in on him every couple of hours
Thanks
[ when he gets home he puts his phone on silent and falls into bed, hoping the fatigue in his bones is enough to silence his aching head. ]
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Bre. I'm on it.
Ugh.
You didn't tell me he's in one of his moods.
Hello???
What happened?
Why don't you answer your texts?? Is he with you??? What's going on???
[ not long after koyomi's last message, texts from reki start rolling in, paced like someone who is trying to hold back but can't: ]
hey man i know ur resting but
i really cant stand the thought of u hurting over something i said
please let me explain
i promise what happened had nothing to do with you
im so sorry
ill be here whenever youre ready to talk
no matter what time just reach out ok
i like you so much
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Thanks Ko I'll find him don't worry
[ with reki, though, he hesitates. actually sits up on the edge of his bed and scrubs at his face a few times before taking the time to respond back. ]
Sorry I was asleep
Where are you?
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its ok
[ though the second message takes a longer moment of deliberation to send. ]
im with a friend... what's up
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once out in the hall he can hear one of his parents moving about downstairs in the kitchen, so he slows his steps to be even quieter till he gets into the bathroom. ]
You said you wanted to talk
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we should right
or did i fuck up that bad
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You didn't
I wanna hear what you have to say
Wanna meet up in thirty?
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is it ok if we meet here?
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heads still weird
im at the park
not doing anything stupid i swear
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instead he just sends: ]
K
See you soon
[ thinking there's not much left to say, he hops into the scalding shower to try and scrub off the muggy feeling from his bones.
by the time he's done he's only got about 8 minutes till their meeting time, so he hauls ass to dry up and get dressed. he still feels gross and sluggish, but he chalks that up to being reluctant about having to have whatever talk they're about to have. just the same, he bundles up extra before heading out, a lingering chill still nipping at his bones.
he's a little late, but not by much, when he finally gets to the park, squinting through the halo of streetlights to try and make out a familiar head of hair. ]
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Heyyy. Over here.
[ blindly, he returns the dap that's coming to him, waving langa off as he wordlessly moves to collect his things and take his leave. reki does the rest, clearing empty water bottles and his smallest first aid kit off the bench to make room beside himself. ]
wow cheating already 😢 also matches icons—
How're you feeling?
Neverrrr 🤩 twinsies
... Better, I think.
[ he does steal a quick glance as he tucks away the compress. not that it was doing anything to begin with but keeping his friend off his case. ]
You?
baby come back
U come back!! 😭😭😭
orite 🏃💨
🧱🏃🧱 mwaha got u now
😳 oh
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excuse me,?? reki?????,
yessss s s ss?
don't act innocent u fiend
😚🎶
ok villain
u knew i was a villain when u moved in here like
don't blame the victim!
except in this case where it's all ur fault
hdu
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