rekd | OVERFLOW / OPEN

[ unfortunately, this is the kyan household, so things don't stay quiet for long. the placid drone of grandma's tv is drowned out soon enough by voices rising in anger, the low staccato of reki's bitching easy enough to recognize through the muffling of the walls. but he still makes it back in record time, bumping the door with his hip as he balances the tray in his hands. ]

Don't wanna hear it, [ he repeats, sliding the door shut properly and then finding a vacant place to slip into on the bed. ]

You awake, snitch?

I'm not even a little sorry, [ comes qi fang's very awake response, a half-second off beat and a little bit thickened thanks to his sore throat.

he lifts his arm off his eyes again, raising his brows as if daring reki go scold him for it. though his expression shifts when he notices the tray, nosing out alluring smell of tea from the items there. slowly he starts to push himself up to a sitting position, already reaching out for the mug. ]

Yeah, I bet you fucking aren't. This first.

[ reki, ever the classy sort, has a shot glass full of medicine—the good, knock you the fuck out on your kitchen floor kind. it also hits like a shot of rocket fuel going down, so that's what qi fang gets for being a snitch.

he is so mad, but he also has to stare for a little bit at how adorable qi fang looks, all sick and miserable. at least until it starts to ache all over again and he puts himself to better use, tucking another pillow behind qi fang's back and then turning back to the tray. ]

Got your soup too.

[ the face qi fang makes at the sight of the medicine sits somewhere between a pout and a grimace, but he takes it and downs it anyway like a shot of tequila on a friday night. same burn, same hiss, but now he's rightfully earned that tea. that, of course, burns too on the way down, but it's at least a much more satisfying one and has the added benefit of not tasting like something you scrub your toilet with.

he nurses the mug between his hands, sitting back on the pillow propping him up. he squints at reki's window, trying to make sense of the darkness past it. ]

What time is it?

[ too bad. reki shakes his head in disappointment at the display and grabs for the cold compress. ]

Elevenish. How's your throat feeling?

[ he dabs at qi fang's forehead, his cheeks, gentle and smooth. ]

You look awful, dude.

[ he makes another face at the time, knowing heading home after this will be a bitch and a half. but staying over feels a little wrong, given all the weirdness still left unresolved.

at least his throat's feeling a little less sore, which he says as much after he clears his throat a couple of times to check. ]

If I look as bad as I feel, spare me the details.

[ he downs the last of the tea and replaces it on the tray, but doesn't make a grab for the soup just yet. instead he's tipping his head back against the wall, sighing heavily. ]

Can't even remember the last time I got sick.

You'll probably feel better in the morning.

[ which. speaking of that. ]

That shot'll knock you out soon. You can stay here and I'll, I dunno, go crash with the twins or something.

[ with respect to that lingering weirdness. it's the least he can do when he literally cannot stop himself from doting on the patient in his bed; it's just too ingrained in him by now to care as deeply as possible. ]

But eat first.

[ qi fang's eyes open, and it's only now that he realizes what kind of medicine that was. why his limbs feel suddenly ten times heavier. fuck. ]

Nah man, this is your bed... Just — throw some towels on the floor for me, it's not like I'll care about comfort when I pass out.

[ he levels reki with a steady gaze. ]

We didn't really get anywhere with our talk.

[ no use dying on this hill. qi fang is gonna pass out wherever he passes out, and that'll take care of that. not everything has to be a discussion.

just the hard things. ]

Yeah.

[ reki's gaze is more far-away than steady, but he meets qi fang's all the same. ]

We'll talk more whenever you're up for it. I'll be here.

[ he's not sure why, but he somehow feels worse. even though reki isn't avoiding his eye, and he's saying all the right things, there's a crumminess in his chest that he knows isn't from the fever.

it's weird. being so caught up and upset about something the other person isn't even fully aware of. or hadn't really been present for. had reki just been delusional? does it matter? he wishes he could just let it go. it'd be so much easier if he could. ]

I don't feel suffocated.

[ it doesn't matter now, because reki has to drop his gaze to respond, ] I know.

[ because it's not true, of course. he's always sweating shit like that. both of them know there's a reason he had an arsenal of anxieties ready for the second his mind slipped. the real answer is a little different. ]

I mean, I believe you. I think you'd say something if you did.

I would.

[ or, rather, he'd just end things or ghost reki like a coward. but neither of that has happened; he hasn't even thought about it once.

even in his sickened state he can tell a lie when he hears one. it makes him feel helpless, even more so when his limbs feel so heavy and useless. ]

I don't know... what to do to make you really know.

[ reki sighs and slumps on to his hands. ]

It's obviously a me thing. I just have to get better.

[ and, failing that, the only person he's driving crazy with all this miserable shit is himself. at least until today. but for awhile before that great big crash, he'd almost had hope for himself. ]

I am trying to get better, about all of it.

[ qi fang is quiet for a long moment, turning it all over in his head. he's come to know reki enough to know that, by default, the other boy tends to blame himself for all of the misfortunes that happen to him. to a fucking fault, really. but if it really is true this time that what happened hadn't been a direct result of something qi fang did... then... ]

...Someone really hurt you before, huh?

[ a person doesn't just manifest those kind of insecurities, not stuff that runs that deep.

the last time it'd been brought up, it hadn't been pretty. but it's not like things are swell now. ]

Haru?

[ he guesses he deserves the stake through the heart that is hearing haru's name out of nowhere like this. he definitely did promise away everything outside on the street. ]

God, no. He was a really good person. All the hurt that happened there came from me.

[ same as this. it's easy to recognize the patterns—and yes, blame himself for them. but in this case, he can't see it any other way.

either way, it brings them to the bigger secret, the one he'd wanted to tell him but could never quite figure out how to broach. not like it's any easier to explain on the spot, but. ]

It's just me. I don't know how to stop feeling bad because that's all I ever feel. I'm all fucked in the head.

[ qi fang had thought he'd been getting somewhere with that, but now it just feels like he's right back to square one. ]

I don't get it... Are you saying you just — feel that way all the time? Even if nothing's happened?

[ yup that sure is how it feels. sucks worse than anything. ]

Yeah. Don't get it twisted, I mean—you make me so fucking happy.

But even then you... still feel bad.

[ he digests that for a few long seconds (realizing he definitely should've started on the soup after all) but eventually he just leans back on the pillow and — nods. ]

Alright. No big deal then. [ another nod, resolute this time. ] I mean — we just gotta ride it out, right? Now we know it's not really something we have to like... fix or whatever. Next time you start feeling bad, just tell me and we'll work through it.

[ reki cringes. it sounds awful out loud. like there's an implication that qi fang's not good enough. he expects the rest to follow in that vein, left blinking when it doesn't. ]

What d'you mean?

[ qi fang rubs at his neck, mostly just spitballing here. truthfully, it all sounds incredibly hopeful and naive as he listens to himself but. maybe it really doesn't have to be as complicated as it sounds? ]

I mean — it'd be worse if there was a real problem between us, right? But there isn't. At least not in this case. So I dunno, from where I'm standing it sounds kind of like... a panic attack. Just something you gotta ride out when it happens. I guess long-term the better thing to do would be to prevent them, but we can work on that later too. Now that I know I'm not actually hurting you like that, then I can actually help you through it. Right?

[ at least some of it brushes off on reki, who sounds tentatively hopeful as well as achingly small: ]

You wanna help me? After everything I did, I don't... I don't wanna hurt you either.

It hurt when I thought I was hurting you. Or when it felt like you didn't wanna be with me because of it. But if that's not the case... then I can just focus on helping you.

[ he shrugs. maybe it's easier said than done, but. he guesses what he's really trying to say here is, ]

It's not enough to make me give up on us. You make me real happy too, y'know.

[ reki sniffs and nods and turns his face away to sniffle some more. ]

You should eat.

[ he lifts a hand to rub at his own eyes, a meager attempt at giving reki some kind of privacy. ]

Nah, I think this medicine's gonna knock me out any second now to be honest. I'll eat when I wake up.

[ he holds out his other hand. ]

Shouldn't kiss you in case I got the plague so let's just hold hands on it, hm?

[ reki takes his hand, tangling their fingers. ]

I don't care. Can we kiss anyway?

TFLN / OPEN RP / THREADTRACKER

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