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knock me down like a heavyweight
[ by the time reki's gotten to his seat in homeroom, it feels like the night before was all just some sort of hazy, surreal dream. a lot's happened since then; for one, his arm is bandaged all the way up to the elbow, compliments of a gnarly gash he got bailing straight into a cluster of jagged rocks, he's probably killed off half the brain cells he's got left skidding on his face, and the unfathomable weight of last night's loss is heavy on his mind. kinda hard to think about anything else when he can still hear his skateboard crackling beneath the flames. fuckin' sucks, man.
it takes awhile for him to zone back into reality. really, it's less of a zone and more of a jolt, when the gaggle of jeering students crowding around him start to dissipate and he notices qi fang with a start. fuck, he forgot all about those english notes. even worse, qi fang looks so good, fresh-faced and distractingly handsome. reki, on the other hand, looks like he stayed up til the early hours of the morning getting stitched up in the ER and barely slid into class in time for the bell in yesterday's wrinkled clothes. embarrassing.
whatever. he has until lunch to think up a good excuse for why he can't return those notes yet. instead, of course, he sleeps straight through all of his classes and sleep-walks up the stairs to the roof, flopping into his usual spot against the fence, debating whether or not he even wants to be awake to eat. a nap in the sun sounds a lot better, so he pulls his hoodie up and leans his head back against the chain links, letting his eyes drift shut slowly. ]
it takes awhile for him to zone back into reality. really, it's less of a zone and more of a jolt, when the gaggle of jeering students crowding around him start to dissipate and he notices qi fang with a start. fuck, he forgot all about those english notes. even worse, qi fang looks so good, fresh-faced and distractingly handsome. reki, on the other hand, looks like he stayed up til the early hours of the morning getting stitched up in the ER and barely slid into class in time for the bell in yesterday's wrinkled clothes. embarrassing.
whatever. he has until lunch to think up a good excuse for why he can't return those notes yet. instead, of course, he sleeps straight through all of his classes and sleep-walks up the stairs to the roof, flopping into his usual spot against the fence, debating whether or not he even wants to be awake to eat. a nap in the sun sounds a lot better, so he pulls his hoodie up and leans his head back against the chain links, letting his eyes drift shut slowly. ]
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still, he'll be a little cautious here, just in case he accidentally makes himself pass out. the drink is a welcome boon and distraction, and he doesn't hesitate to guzzle down what he can before offering it back to reki. ]
You're a real workout, y'know?
[ maybe his mind isn't in proper working order yet but he swears that's meant to be a compliment. he'll grin, reaching for reki to tug him closer. ]
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he lifts the drink to his lips, but—oh. he's getting pulled closer. not entirely sure what qi fang wants him to do here when he's not allowed back on his dick yet, reki improvises and presses sports drink-flavored kisses everywhere he can reach. ]
Honestly, I'm surprised your dick isn't shooting smoke by now. That's pretty epic, dude.
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And what, this is just a regular day for you?
[ then again, maybe he doesn't really want to know if reki's used to all this marathon sex...
fortunately there's a suitable distraction in the form of gaterade-flavored kisses. he hadn't really had a plan when he reached out for reki, short of cuddling him close, but he realizes belatedly that that's a bit too intimate. making out seems a suitable compromise, so he opts for that. ]
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No.
[ really, he has nothing to be mad about. he's literally whoring around right this very second. really, he should have opted for the make-out session too, because aside from that, he's really got nothing to argue and no reason to prove anything. he doesn't even have a good excuse to be mad at the implication. if anyone else said it, he'd probably take it in stride. for some reason, it's only infuriating in this exact context.
he glumly nurses another sip off that gatorade, glaring balefully at that corkboard instead. ]
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he lowers his hands and opts for just settling them on the small of reki's back and one of his thighs, giving him the option to slip away should he want to. ]
Sorry... I didn't mean it like that.
[ like, sure. would it have bothered him if the answer with an affirmative? yeah. but not for the reason reki might think; it's not judgment that fuels it, but jealousy. but that's a stupid feeling to have too. ]
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[ maybe this is a little bit qi fang's fault. the people who say that kind of shit to him don't apologize or reach out like this. he's got reki all fucked up on mixed signals. but then he's been playing his part too, thinking back, and there's really no seeing them both as anything but absolutely complicit.
so once again, he lands on the fact that this is all his fault for getting in his feelings in the first place. might as well just fucking get over it and move on. ]
It's fine. Here.
[ take this fucking demon potion off his hands. maybe he's reasoned out his own bullshit but he's still going to hate the taste of Gatorade forever. ]
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No, that was fucked up of me to say.
[ regardless how reki's said or done, he's got no business or right to be throwing that kind of shit out there. of course, now he's not really sure what he can do or say to make this any better. should he even be trying to? maybe this is all just inevitable, a long time coming, a swift and efficient way to end this like it should have much earlier. ]
It's cool if you wanna go or... I dunno, stay and have lunch at least. I promised you that much.
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Dude, it's fine. It's not like you're putting anything out there that I don't deserve.
[ like, that's the whole pretense of this, right? reki's his secret slutty little booty call and that was fine for them the past few days. he thinks. it's hard to separate the things he's probably wrong about from the reality of the situation anymore. he can't fault this guy for that. ]
You want me to go, I'll go.
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Look, it's not my business. We were having fun and I ruined it by being a jackass. Just call it like it is.
[ he runs a hand over his face, through his hair. hard to believe just minutes ago they'd both been in the throes
of pure bliss. ]
I don't want you to go but I'm not gonna make you stay.
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just sucks it has to be this kind of ending. reki's not sure that he wants to leave it off like this. the offer of food doesn't interest him as much as putting something between this and a return to normalcy. and he's really only got the one gear that's appropriate, so. ]
Let's just forget about it.
[ he slides his hands over qi fang's thighs, leaning in nice and slow. ]
Go back to the fun part.
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but then reki doesn't go. reki stays, leans in, touches him again. and qi fang is weak, and selfish, and soon he's leaning in too, wordlessly giving into something they definitely should have cast aside.
he doesn't know what to say, so instead he pours it into the kiss he presses against reki's mouth. it's slow, but no less passionate, one hand slipping up to curl around and cradle the back of reki's head. he's sorry, but more than that he still wants this, and not just this part, but the other stuff too, the laughing and the flirting and the playing, so so much. ]
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his hands wander, but it's a little slower than usual, a bit more measured. like he's trying to memorize something that he'll soon have a reason to forget. anyway, it's better to go slow, to ease them back in, slowly rubbing circles into qi fang's hips as he tries to draw his attention back to better things.
and then, he tells himself, he'll leave. it'll be easier then. and make way more sense. just a little while longer won't hurt anyone. ]
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still, there is an unspoken tenderness to the way he cradles reki's head as he starts to lean back, pulling the other boy down with him on the bed. the softest of touches that ghost over reki's cheek, down his neck, his shoulders. gripping his arm, pulling him closer still so their chests touch, and qi fang can slide a palm down the curve of reki's spine, following the swell of a perky ass. he squeezes, filling the gesture with passion, coaxes their hips to align in an effort to overwhelm the both of them with sensation. he tries not to think about the way reki tastes so good on his tongue, how their lips fit so perfectly together every time they kiss. ]
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he slides his hands under qi fang's shoulders and grasps him tight. it's the leverage he needs to grind into him roughly once their bodies are aligned, and with no one else in the house, there's no need to worry about the way the bed creaks with the force of his slow-rocking hips. there's passion in it too, just in a different key, a desperate, dying note of it in the way he violently seizes qi fang's lips for a searing kiss, his tongue thrusting in time with the clashing of their bodies. ]
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well fuck, he thinks. fuck.
this is how it should be, yes, but if this is it, if this is all, qi fang wants to make it count. there's still so much of reki's body he's yet to explore, to memorize, and if this is his only chance at it he's not going to let it go to waste.
it's easy enough to roll their bodies over, to get reki cushioned against his mattress and pillows before he slowly starts to work his way down the length of reki's body. he works slow, kissing and licking down reki's jaw, his neck. he takes his time on that chest, knowing how sensitive those nipples can be. he works one with his hand, the other occupied with his teeth and tongue. he switches, he worships, but most of all he watches reki the entire time, even hesitant to blink in case he misses anything. ]
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with nothing but white in his view, it's far easier to dwell on that encroaching sense of loss, retreat into his own head where feeling is null except for the bitter sting of regret. it doesn't make any sense to be this sad over losing something that wasn't his to begin with, but it already feels so lonely.
stupid. he forces himself to look back down, where he finds qi fang watching him. it's like flipping a switch, sensation returning to his deadened nerves and catching him off guard with a choked sob. his chest swells beneath qi fang's mouth, begging for more, fingers catching in his hair to keep him there. ]
Please... Don't stop...
[ maybe he means it on a deeper level than just this, sounding a little too ragged and desperate for how far they've gotten. reki's got no idea; he's done thinking, moved on to looking into qi fang's eyes for as long as they stay on him. ]
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he keeps hold of that gaze as long as he can. unblinking as he curls his tongue around a pert nipple, as his teeth bear down just hard enough to get that breath hitching. lower and lower still he goes, leaving trails of red marks in his wake. he doesn't want to stop, never planned to, but the plea in reki's voice is like a bolt of lightning in his veins. it charges him, makes him want to do even more, longer. there's an urgency to the movement of his tongue, like if he were to take his lips off him for a second he'd somehow vanish right out from under him.
lower and lower and lower, then he's at a hip, kissing a trail from one side to the other. he gets his lips on reki's cock first, a sweet and gentle kiss. then he's tracing the length with his tongue, getting him slick again so his mouth can slip over him much easier. ]
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if only there was a way to leave a brand with the sweetness qi fang has always showed him. now would be the perfect time for it; reki wouldn't mind being seared by the almost reverent way qi fang is handling him, the soft press of his lips so sweet that it leaves reki shuddering, unable to lay back any longer.
it's much better when he pushes himself up, when he can get his hands in qi fang's hair and brush it away from his face. there's so much to touch to keep his mind from drifting, his fingers tracing the working muscles of his jaw, palm sliding up and down his back as his soft moans and heavy panting fill the quiet of the space. ]
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still, he can't bring himself to look away. like doing so will somehow break this gentle spell placed over them right now. he's already fucked it up once, he can't bear to do it again.
so he keeps watching, keeps waiting. takes in more and more of reki to feel the weight of him on his tongue, pressing against his throat. when he starts to bob his head, he keeps each movement measured, keying into the way reki's breath hitches. he lets his tongue press up against the underside of that head, trace along the flare, tickle its way back down as he descends. his hands he keeps on reki's thighs, gently massaging and working his thumbs into the softest parts of it. anything to hear more of his voice. ]
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still, he tries to hold his gaze, even though his eyes dim with every twist of qi fang's tongue. very quickly, he finds that he can't catch his breath, that he can't stop moaning, low and mournful, between each perfectly sweet stroke of his mouth. the feeling is far too intense like this, and this isn't the end he wants either.
he slides his fingers down to the back of qi fang's neck, kneading gently into the working muscles there, begging for attention in a way that's not restrictive. ]
Come here, [ he says quietly, shuddering all over, his body already mourning the loss of that wet pressure around his cock. it's not like reki to stop when things feel good, but this is different. ] Fuck me.
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he lifts his head to the coaxing of that hand, letting his tongue drag one last lick in his ascent. there's one brief second of hesitation — not because he doesn't want to, but because he knows the sooner they finish, the sooner they'll finish, and he doesn't want that despite knowing it's inevitable.
but the draw of being closer to reki outshines all his other doubts, and soon he's leaning back up on his knees, reaching for the back of reki's head so that he can bring their lips crashing back together. ]
Lay back down, [ he pants against reki's lips, letting his hand drift down the side of a flushed neck, down over his chest. ] Let me look at you.
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his request just builds upon that. reki's lucky that his cheeks are already glowing; it's still strange to think of himself as something that someone wants to look at, but it doesn't stop him from obeying, taking his place against the pillows again, stretching himself out thin as he wonders what exactly it is that qi fang wants to see. ]
Like this? [ he asks, and it's then he realizes he's not ready to be looked at like this, not with all this heaviness in his heart. it doesn't make any sense, how someone could make him feel seen in more ways than just the embarrassing kind and then be so willing to let him go. and there's no hiding it, either, not when he's reki, every emotion he's ever felt loudly exclaimed by his posture and expression. but whatever, he tries to smile through it. ]
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[ maybe it's unfair, asking reki to bare himself like this, when qi fang himself defaults to the alternative. it's becoming harder to hide, though, the more he spends time with reki. the more the boy's expressiveness encompasses him, like a warm pair of arms reassuring him it's okay to be like that too, maybe. especially in moments like these, his curtains closed and throwing them in a shade that tucks them away from the day, when it's easy to fall into the illusion like it's just the two of them, and that's all that matters.
his touch is tender, brushing back some strands from that open face. as tender as the look in his eyes, crinkled softly when he smiles.
that hand doesn't linger long, though, working its way down the length of reki's body to find its place between spread legs. to whorl its way around a puckered rim, gently but insistently reminding it of the last time it took him in deep, just that very morning. ]
Still open for me, baby?
[ his other hand has already dug out a small bottle from his bedside drawer, reki's pants discarded too far away to bother with his. fingers get slick, fingers get pushed in, and he works that body slowly again to accept him, scissoring and pressing against every tense muscle or nerve that strains against him. ]
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this time, looking at qi fang isn't enough to break him out of his own head. all he can think of is him smiling at someone else like this, watching someone else, fucking someone else. when that isn't enough to freak him out, he starts thinking of other little innocuous things they've said, twisting and refining them into their meanest interpretations. suddenly, he has two options and very little time to choose between them: he can cry, or he can shut down.
of course reki is going to choose to disassociate, his eyes dimming and going blurry, his limbs turning heavy and cold again. whatever happens from here is okay as long as he doesn't have to be a part of it, not emotionally at least. the more logical thing to do would be to get up and go and do this somewhere all alone, but that's impossible. everything's impossible. at least here he still has qi fang's touch, kept a safe distance away behind a numbing veil, but still just as present. ]
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even in their blankness, they still say so much. ]
Hey... hey.
[ qi fang doesn't panic, but his worry flares. he's withdrawing his hand, concerned he might have hurt reki somehow — not physically, surely not. but something else? — but his other lifts, reaching up to cup the size of reki's face, fishing once more for his attention. ]
Where'd you go?
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