knock me down like a heavyweight

[rekd]

[ by the time reki's gotten to his seat in homeroom, it feels like the night before was all just some sort of hazy, surreal dream. a lot's happened since then; for one, his arm is bandaged all the way up to the elbow, compliments of a gnarly gash he got bailing straight into a cluster of jagged rocks, he's probably killed off half the brain cells he's got left skidding on his face, and the unfathomable weight of last night's loss is heavy on his mind. kinda hard to think about anything else when he can still hear his skateboard crackling beneath the flames. fuckin' sucks, man.

it takes awhile for him to zone back into reality. really, it's less of a zone and more of a jolt, when the gaggle of jeering students crowding around him start to dissipate and he notices qi fang with a start. fuck, he forgot all about those english notes. even worse, qi fang looks so good, fresh-faced and distractingly handsome. reki, on the other hand, looks like he stayed up til the early hours of the morning getting stitched up in the ER and barely slid into class in time for the bell in yesterday's wrinkled clothes. embarrassing.

whatever. he has until lunch to think up a good excuse for why he can't return those notes yet. instead, of course, he sleeps straight through all of his classes and sleep-walks up the stairs to the roof, flopping into his usual spot against the fence, debating whether or not he even wants to be awake to eat. a nap in the sun sounds a lot better, so he pulls his hoodie up and leans his head back against the chain links, letting his eyes drift shut slowly. ]

Comments

[rekd]

[ reki lifts up his hand to rip his arm free, but he never quite makes it that far. there really is no parsing a statement like that as anything but validation for all the things he tried to convince himself he wasn't seeing, the looks and touches that lured him into a false sense of security and landed him here.

he growls and drops his hand. ]

You think I spent two days with you because I really like blowjobs?

[ actually, yeah. probably. ]

I fucked up too.

[tongxue]

Sooo... we like each other.

[ god it sounds so stupid and juvenile to say out loud like that, but given their track record it needed to be stated. still, qi fang finds it isn't as much of a relief as he'd hoped it would be, like there's still something more that needs to happen or be said.

where exactly do they go from here? ]

Can you sit back down? I feel like you're gonna bolt any second and you're still butt-naked.

[rekd]

[ there, finally, that's something he can do. it eases some of the tension, having that little bit of direction as he carefully eases himself back on to the bed.

'we like each other' is a lot. especially since it's present tense. not past. he rubs a hand over his face, hopeful, but not so much that he'll actually look at qi fang. ]

... You still like me?

[ even after all this bullshit? ]

[tongxue]

[ qi fang visibly relaxes when reki takes his seat. there's still some distance between them, but he thinks that's a good thing given how easy to spook reki seems like at the moment. ]

Yeah, man. I still do.

[ his hand spider-walks across the bed towards reki's own, fingers tentatively poking at it. ]

Is that okay?

[rekd]

[ it's not. the distance feels like exile. reki realizes how fucking dramatic that feeling is, sure, but he's way too in the thick of it to see himself out. and he still can't figure out how to move either, like if he looks at qi fang wrong or makes an off gesture, he'll change his mind about what he said.

he feels the poke and hears the questions, but. ]

Can you come here?

[tongxue]

[ reki's lack of answer doesn't help to settle qi fang's nerves. he thought things would he a little better, now, but now he's wondering if these feelings really have only made things worse. complicated, for sure, but they could probably work on that... right?

swallowing thickly, qi fang nods and scoots a little closer, just enough that their legs press together. he doesn't do much else than that, though, trying to wait and take his cues from the other. ]

This good?

[rekd]

[ his heart is pounding. something about this feels like a reset, like he's right back in the shop again, wondering what is and isn't okay.

which is stupid. he needs to tell himself that as many times as it takes. it's fucking stupid to take qi fang on anything but what he explicitly said.

before he can lose his nerve, he leans forward, just enough so he can thump his face against qi fang's chest and bury it there. ]

[tongxue]

[ alright, well. it's not exactly what qi fang had been expecting, but he's opting to take it as a good sign that reki wants him this close. he shifts, tentatively putting his arms around the other, one hand absently running up and down along his spine. ]

You, uh... Gotta help me out here, man. Are we good?

[rekd]

[ reki can't really breathe like this, but honestly, it's better this way. it's dark and warm and the gentle weight of qi fang's arms around him is a mighty comfort. it's still taking him a second to come down from the whole blind panic thing, but he responds this time, so progress is happening somewhere. ]

Yeah.

[tongxue]

[ okay. alright. a verbal confirmation is all he'd been looking for and technically he got it. but then why does it all still feel so tenuous? breakable?

for now, qi fang will just opt for staying like this, holding reki and rubbing his back until he can feel the other boy's breathing start to calm. ]

[rekd]

[ that's. really nice. not just because reki is freezing on the comedown from working himself into such a tizzy, but it's something a note above reassuring too. like he cares. like he likes reki.

finally, he tips his head a little to take a breath of fresh air. ]

You don't want this to end?

[ whatever 'this' is. reki doesn't care so much about the what as much as he does the prospective losing of it. ]

[tongxue]

[ who'd have thought he actually meant what he said? but qi fang gets it — it's a pretty daunting prospect. they both sort of entered into this with no plan, just playing it fast and loose and sticking to the rules. no strings. just fun. and, yeah, so it's only been two days. but it's been two days of nonstop fun, of doing more than just sex, of learning about each other and realizing maybe the strings can be fun too.

of recognizing that cold feeling in his chest after his stupid foot-in-mouth comment that he could actually lose this, lose reki, as the fear that it is. ]

No. Not even close.

[rekd]

[ that's his greatest fear assuaged. what's next to freak himself out over? that he'll slip into a shitty mood and scare qi fang away? been there. that he'll meet his family and be immediately overwhelmed by the chaos of his life? done that. for once, reki isn't sure what to fear.

he might actually have to accept that this guy really does like him. it's a start, anyway, something to sigh softly about as he winds his arms around qi fang's chest, butting his head against him until they topple over and he's giggling about how fucking dumb all this is. ]

[tongxue]

[ next thing he knows he's being toppled over, falling on his back with a soft oof! and a delirious little laugh of his own. ]

Gonna take this to mean you don't wanna end this either.

[rekd]

I thought...

[ nevermind. he doesn't want to think about what he thought. he wants to hear more of that laughter and luxuriate in all this warm skin that isn't going anywhere after all. ]

Nah, you're stuck with me now. Not even sorry.

[tongxue]

[ yeah, better not to focus on that, especially if it was at all like what qi fang thought. turns out they're both dumbasses, but at least in a way that complements each other. ]

Yeah?

[ he wraps his arms and legs around reki, trapping him in an unforgiving embrace. ]

Good. You got me all addicted to you, so you better take responsibility.

[rekd]

[ being cocooned in qi fang's limbs is the absolute best thing, and for the first time, he doesn't have to feel guilty for feeling that way. he can just enjoy it, heart pounding like he's committing a crime anyway, but—nicer. ]

I gave you two whole days, you freaking fiend, [ he laughs, nipping at qi fang's jaw. ] What more do you want from me?

[tongxue]

I'll take two more, and then two more after that.

[ with the tension evaporating like mist, qi fang finds it easier to breathe in — even with reki nestled right on top of his chest. sure, there are still some things to possibly iron out (they've settled on what they aren't, but now that leaves the question of what they are) but he thinks they've earned a bit of reprieve for now. one big talk at a time, right? qi fang knows his heart would definitely appreciate it. ]

After that... I dunno. World's our oyster, I guess.

[rekd]

I'm gonna blow you so many freaking places.

[ reki's not setting the bar high here, not yet. but it's already been good, more than he'd ever hoped for when this all kicked off. if all that ever comes from it is days like this—sans the mental breakdown—he wouldn't complain.

maybe. he tucks his nose under qi fang's chin, just breathing in this space he's absolutely allowed to inhabit now. he thinks. ]

Maybe if you play your cards right we'll even go to McDonald's one day.

[tongxue]

[ if he weren't allowed to inhabit it, why then would qi fang hold him there so tightly? sometimes actions speak louder than words but it's clear sometimes they need both to really function like sensible people.

but all things in good time.

right now they've earned this hazy little afterglow — maybe not from a physical release, but a release nonetheless. ]

Yeah, what the fuck. Two whole days and not a nugget in sight. Gimme my notes back, you punk.

[rekd]

Get 'em yourself, [ he says, mainly for the rush of saying it. there's no more need for negotiating, trading, coercing—they can just want to spend time together.

kind of. occurs to him now what a flimsy excuse all that was. like he knows his end of it, but it makes him smile to think qi fang was doing the same. ]

Might have to turn my room upside down, though. Actually—we might have banged on 'em at some point.

[tongxue]

[ yeeeeah, in retrospect, neither of them were very slick, were they? such is life, especially one of a dumb teenager, where everything is so much more dramatic than it seems until you really start to look at it. and then it's just embarrassing. ]

My poor notes... They didn't deserve that. But I guess I could let you hold onto them... since I like you and all.

[rekd]

[ he's technically heard that line a bunch of times by now, but this one's different. it really hits him, makes him smile so stupidly big that it hurts. he wriggles his way up to frame qi fang's face in his hands, beaming down at him like a sunray. ]

Mm... What? Say that last part again?

[tongxue]

[ it's almost blinding, even for the middle of the day, but something swells in his chest when he realizes that smile is his to covet and keep now. ]

I like you, you brat.

[ he folds his hands over the small of reki's back, only lightly pinching. ]

Want me to record a message for you and everything?

[rekd]

Yes.

[ what a gracious offer. for that, qi fang earns himself a kiss, one that's sweet and joyful and far too fleeting. it's just that reki has to pick himself back up and look over his handsome face and demand, ] Again.