[ there's some tension slipping away as reki crosses over to him, but he still keeps his hands to himself like he's not entirely sure if he's allowed to reach out or not. there's a sheepish twist to his lips, not quite a smile, but not quite a grimace either. ]
Yeah. [ his voice cracks, rough like he'd just spent the last few hours yelling at the top of his lungs. ] I could use a drink.
[ he takes a breath like he means to say something else, but seems to decide against it at the last second, defaulting to just chewing on the inside of his cheek instead. ]
[ that's a start. reki slips his bag off his shoulder and finds a spot beside qi fang to curl up and start digging. there's a still chilly bottle of gatorade in there, but instead of passing it over, reki tugs at his shirt for him to sit beside him. then he can have it. ]
We can hang out here awhile longer. Unless there's somewhere else you'd rather go?
[ it kind of guts him that reki doesn't finish closing the distance, but even in his addled state he realizes he's just as much at fault (if not more so) since it isn't like he made any moves either. the tug on his shirt is a little reassuring, and he lets himself slump down till he's sitting on the grass right beside the other.
he puts a hand on the ground behind reki, using it as a post so he can lean over and press his forehead against the other's shoulder. he's just going to. rest there for a bit, don't mind him. ]
[ slowly but surely, he's working his way up to it. the anxiety about getting rebuked is steep, but at least with qi fang's head on his shoulder, he's not too terrified to wrap an arm around him and pull him in a little closer.
just, y'know. he still feels bad. ]
Sorry. I know you wanted to be alone, but I couldn't...
[ well, obviously qi fang knows how that story ends. he squeezes a little tighter. ]
Don't worry, though. I'm just here to be here, y'know?
[ at the first touch of a hand around his shoulder he's scooting closer, pressing right up against reki's side. it occurs to him now how much he'd wanted this, how badly he's tried to deny it from himself hours earlier. ]
Nah, don't be... I was stupid.
[ still am, in many ways. ]
Shoulda called you. I wanted to, I just...
[ a shrug, a sigh. sometimes some habits are hard to shake. ]
I shoulda called. [ he says it again, like this time he's trying to engrave it into his mind. ] Shoulda at least let you know what was up.
[ the kiss to his head, the fingers in his hair. qi fang starts nuzzling into the side of reki's face before he can even think about it, desperately seeking out that closeness. ]
[ it makes his heart ache, hearing qi fang talk like that. that's something he's set aside for now, needs to keep setting aside until he's sure everything's ok, but it's a little bit harder to breathe for a second. ]
Of course I was worried, [ he murmurs, cupping qi fang's cheek in his palm, turning his face so they can be just as close as they both need to be. ] You mean a lot to me. I'm gonna worry. But it's okay.
[ it's not something he's used to — having someone for his very own to lean on like this. sure, he's always had sun jing, thank god for her, but it's different with reki. reki knows him in ways sun jing doesn't, and that's as much a relief as it is terrifying.
he feels guilty that he made reki worry. at the same time, it feels so good to know he cared enough to feel that way.
quietly, he nuzzles his nose along the apple of reki's cheek, needy but still too bashful and ashamed to take what he wants. ]
[ nevermind, there's no setting aside how much his heart is breaking for qi fang. hearing him ask something like that makes him close him in his arms tighter, as if that could shelter him from anything.
he doesn't trust himself to speak, so a soft, affirmative noise is his answer instead as reki nuzzles into him in kind. still, he can't help but kiss him like he's been waiting a lifetime to do it, gentle but urgent, his fingers slowly stroking over his face and into his hair. ]
[ he feels pathetic, for more reasons than one, but somehow a little less so in seeking out the comfort reki so readily gives him. he isn't ready to talk about it, not yet, but he feels more and more confident that he will be the more he stays here by reki's side, absorbing the safety and stability the other boy offers.
he leans into the kiss without hesitation, hands coming up to grasp and cling where reki's is gentle and soothing. he kisses until his lips are bruised and his lungs burn, and then he's pressing their foreheads together to suck in what air is left between them.
[ talk about pathetic; reki's voice is so wrought with emotion that he has to start all over again. ]
Don't thank me. I wanna kiss you. Forever. Or... until you're sick of it.
[ which hopefully won't be now, because he can't stop pressing littler ones to qi fang's face, dotting his cheeks and whispering over his nose. all that really matters is that he's here, warm beneath his hands and lips. everything else is something they can contend with later. ]
[ it doesn't look likely he'll ever be sick of it, if the way he turns his face towards each kiss like a sunflower towards the sun is of any indication. he soaks it all in, letting himself breathe under the attention and affection. this thing that seemed so out of reach for him, here right now in his very hands.
taking one of reki's into his, he presses a lingering kiss to a warm palm before he coaxes them both to lay back on the grass. the sun is already disappearing beyond the horizon, so it'll be cold soon, but that's okay, they can cuddle up close and keep warm. he wraps himself around the other, burying his face into a chest. breathing him in.
after a few breaths, he feels like he can finally say something. ]
He's here for a whole week. Usually it's just a day or two, but...
[ he drifts off, lips pressing into a thin line. ]
[ maybe too much attention and affection, but what is he supposed to do? this boy—his boy—looks so miserable, and in lieu of burning whatever caused this to the ground and salting the earth behind him, the next best thing is harboring qi fang in his arms and making him feel loved with every careful stroke of his fingers.
the idea of a week of this makes his arms tighten reflexively. it doesn't sound stupid—it sounds awful. slowly, he smooths back qi fang's hair. ]
[ he lets out a little puff of breath through his nose — a shadow of a laugh. ]
You're biased.
[ he rests his cheek against reki's chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath, letting it calm his own. it's weird to talk — about this, in general — but he forces himself to because he knows reki deserves to know. ]
He's not a bad guy, my brother. Li Qiang. He's a lot older than me, so we never really grew up close, but he's... fine. Kinda wish he was an actual asshole, so I'd feel better resenting him so much.
But every time he's around, it's like our folks remember everything he is that I'm not. And they start wondering why. Then they start paying attention. And it's... annoying.
So it sucks either way. I'm sorry, I didn't even think...
[ except, you know, selfishly about how nice it was to not have to worry about his parents except on rare sets of occasions. it's no wonder, then, that qi fang keeps everything close to his chest. ]
Your brother never says anything, when they get like that?
Whatever you need to do, baby, [ he murmurs, nuzzling into qi fang's hair. ] I'll stand by you.
[ not like he doesn't get it about the talking thing, especially after everything that happened yesterday. they both have a lot of work to do, but this feels like a start. ]
[ there's still so much to say, but qi fang feels like they've both earned some peace for now. it's getting chillier as the night passes, but removing himself from reki's arms seems like far too much torture to have to go through. ]
This is already so much.
[ he tips his face up, feeling okay enough now to finally meet his boyfriend's eyes. ]
[ yeah, nobody's going anywhere, not a chance. after everything, it's nice just to be tangled up like this, trading gazes as reki carefully frames qi fang's face in his hands and strokes over his cheek. impossible not to smile, when they're this close and qi fang looks so beautiful in the fading light. ]
[ this time, he doesn't hesitate to take the kiss he so desperately wants. leaning in and up, sealing his lips over reki's to claim them again and again and once more for good luck. ]
So fucking glad you came. Never listen to me if I say I don't want you to, okay? I'd be full of shit.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah. [ his voice cracks, rough like he'd just spent the last few hours yelling at the top of his lungs. ] I could use a drink.
[ he takes a breath like he means to say something else, but seems to decide against it at the last second, defaulting to just chewing on the inside of his cheek instead. ]
no subject
We can hang out here awhile longer. Unless there's somewhere else you'd rather go?
no subject
he puts a hand on the ground behind reki, using it as a post so he can lean over and press his forehead against the other's shoulder. he's just going to. rest there for a bit, don't mind him. ]
Nah. S'nice here.
[ a beat. ]
Thanks for coming.
no subject
just, y'know. he still feels bad. ]
Sorry. I know you wanted to be alone, but I couldn't...
[ well, obviously qi fang knows how that story ends. he squeezes a little tighter. ]
Don't worry, though. I'm just here to be here, y'know?
no subject
Nah, don't be... I was stupid.
[ still am, in many ways. ]
Shoulda called you. I wanted to, I just...
[ a shrug, a sigh. sometimes some habits are hard to shake. ]
no subject
[ no rebuking. now he can stop being such a baby and start stroking through qi fang's hair, pausing only to press a kiss to the top of his head. ]
I'm here now. And Sun Jing blew up your spot so I know to be here in the future too.
no subject
[ the kiss to his head, the fingers in his hair. qi fang starts nuzzling into the side of reki's face before he can even think about it, desperately seeking out that closeness. ]
Did I worry you?
no subject
Of course I was worried, [ he murmurs, cupping qi fang's cheek in his palm, turning his face so they can be just as close as they both need to be. ] You mean a lot to me. I'm gonna worry. But it's okay.
no subject
he feels guilty that he made reki worry. at the same time, it feels so good to know he cared enough to feel that way.
quietly, he nuzzles his nose along the apple of reki's cheek, needy but still too bashful and ashamed to take what he wants. ]
Can you kiss me?
no subject
[ nevermind, there's no setting aside how much his heart is breaking for qi fang. hearing him ask something like that makes him close him in his arms tighter, as if that could shelter him from anything.
he doesn't trust himself to speak, so a soft, affirmative noise is his answer instead as reki nuzzles into him in kind. still, he can't help but kiss him like he's been waiting a lifetime to do it, gentle but urgent, his fingers slowly stroking over his face and into his hair. ]
no subject
he leans into the kiss without hesitation, hands coming up to grasp and cling where reki's is gentle and soothing. he kisses until his lips are bruised and his lungs burn, and then he's pressing their foreheads together to suck in what air is left between them.
stupid, stupid. he should have called. ]
Thanks, [ he gasps. ] I needed that.
no subject
[ talk about pathetic; reki's voice is so wrought with emotion that he has to start all over again. ]
Don't thank me. I wanna kiss you. Forever. Or... until you're sick of it.
[ which hopefully won't be now, because he can't stop pressing littler ones to qi fang's face, dotting his cheeks and whispering over his nose. all that really matters is that he's here, warm beneath his hands and lips. everything else is something they can contend with later. ]
no subject
taking one of reki's into his, he presses a lingering kiss to a warm palm before he coaxes them both to lay back on the grass. the sun is already disappearing beyond the horizon, so it'll be cold soon, but that's okay, they can cuddle up close and keep warm. he wraps himself around the other, burying his face into a chest. breathing him in.
after a few breaths, he feels like he can finally say something. ]
He's here for a whole week. Usually it's just a day or two, but...
[ he drifts off, lips pressing into a thin line. ]
It's sounds so stupid out loud.
no subject
the idea of a week of this makes his arms tighten reflexively. it doesn't sound stupid—it sounds awful. slowly, he smooths back qi fang's hair. ]
Not to me.
no subject
You're biased.
[ he rests his cheek against reki's chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath, letting it calm his own. it's weird to talk — about this, in general — but he forces himself to because he knows reki deserves to know. ]
He's not a bad guy, my brother. Li Qiang. He's a lot older than me, so we never really grew up close, but he's... fine. Kinda wish he was an actual asshole, so I'd feel better resenting him so much.
But every time he's around, it's like our folks remember everything he is that I'm not. And they start wondering why. Then they start paying attention. And it's... annoying.
no subject
You're so... good.
[ maybe a little bit less so now, but still. he wouldn't even be in this if it weren't for those passable notes he keeps. ]
Th'hell they got to complain about?
no subject
[ but — is that really what bothers him the most? he's not really sure. ]
Once he leaves, they'll go back to being consumed by their own lives again. Then they'll stop looking at me so much.
[ which is... preferable. but that doesn't make it sting any less. ]
no subject
[ except, you know, selfishly about how nice it was to not have to worry about his parents except on rare sets of occasions. it's no wonder, then, that qi fang keeps everything close to his chest. ]
Your brother never says anything, when they get like that?
no subject
I don't really let them know it bothers me. Maybe I should, but it's just easier to let it go. Everyone moves on soon enough anyway.
no subject
This is easier?
no subject
[ he puffs out a sigh against reki's chest, feeling the warmth waft back onto his face like a slap. ]
I just gotta get through a week, and then he'll ghost for another semester or two.
no subject
[ not like he doesn't get it about the talking thing, especially after everything that happened yesterday. they both have a lot of work to do, but this feels like a start. ]
Even if it's just this.
no subject
This is already so much.
[ he tips his face up, feeling okay enough now to finally meet his boyfriend's eyes. ]
Seriously.
no subject
I'm just happy to be here with you.
no subject
So fucking glad you came. Never listen to me if I say I don't want you to, okay? I'd be full of shit.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)