[ langa looks even better like this, his lips parted to expose all the seductive shadows between his lips, his soft, pink tongue flattened and waiting. it's enough to make reki's cheeks glow; he wants langa, always, but langa knows just how to turn that wanting into a sharp, agonizing need. ]
Good baby...
[ he's being so very good, so open and sexy and responsive. he deserves the slow drive of reki's cock as it slips into the velvet heat of his mouth, even though reki really thinks he's the one coming up lucky, unable to stifle the broken moan that breaks loose from his throat when he pushes against the wetness of his tongue. it's waves and waves of pleasure washing over him, and langa hasn't even moved yet. just the image of langa's face, so strikingly sweet even with a dick in his mouth, is enough to make him feel like he's burning up from within.
his fingers slide into langa's hair again, stroking fondly. ]
[ Locking eyes with Reki, Langa struggles not to close them when he feels the head of his cock slide into his mouth. He holds still for now, trying so hard to be good for Reki because he deserves this moment of worship. So much of the time he's in the background supporting Langa, whether it's teaching him something or working on his board or now, leading him through sex. Arousal sparks hot in Langa's gut at the thought that Reki could be researching things to do in bed the same way he did with things to do on a board, and he moans with the realization. How much has Reki been doing on his own to be able to guide Langa along so easily?
His sweet expression turns determined as he's given a clear command, one that he's happy to follow. He sucks as he pushes down further on Reki's cock, taking him inch by inch. When he gets to the point where he'd normally stop he hesitates, glances up at Reki, and then smiles around his mouthful before continuing. He sinks lower and lower until his lips reach the base of Reki's cock, the muscles of his throat fluttering around the head. Langa may not be great at research, but he will practice something until he gets it right and can land the trick—in this case, suppressing his gag reflex. ]
[ langa takes over, and reki feels himself sighing with relief. by now, he can feel the tension like an overwound guitar string, creaking on the very verge of snapping, but langa always takes care of him. all he has to do is lay back and watch, toying with langa's hair as he swallows down his cock, trying to breathe through the wild sense of vertigo he gets when he feels the pressure build behind his locked lips.
and then—langa keeps going. reki feels himself plunging into a part of langa he's never felt before, even tighter, even hotter, searingly wet. his fist clenches in langa's hair involuntarily, all he can do to keep his hips from jerking off the bed. he's aware that would be an awful, awful mistake; he knows just enough to know this kind of stuff isn't easy.
but langa's never, ever satisfied with easy, not even in bed. he's always extraordinary, and now reki gets to not just see it but feel it, his breath hitching at the sight of langa's throat bulging with the cock he's speared himself upon. ]
Langa. [ there's no sense trying to hide the awe in his voice; it's not fucking going anywhere. ] Holy shit.
[ Langa moans at the fingers tightening in his hair, scalp prickling with pleasant sparks of pain. He can feel the way Reki tenses beneath him, too, hips nearly shaking with the effort to stay in place. Smoothing his hands up from Reki's thighs, he splays them over each hip and presses down to help keep him in place. He shouldn't have to do any of the work, not right now when Langa is spoiling him as he deserves.
The reaction is worth it, approval clear even if Reki doesn't say it explicitly. Langa moans again, his own cock aching with pleasure that comes simply from a job well done. He's achieved a goal and now they both get to enjoy the benefits of this new skill. Humming around his mouthful, he stays in place for a few moments more before pulling back until he only has the head still between his lips and he can inhale deeply through his nose. He doesn't wait long before plunging back down, however, bobbing his head in a steady rhythm but always keeping Reki deep in his throat for longer than the time it takes to pull up and breathe. ]
[ langa's hands are a godsend; they draw a shuddering sigh from reki, secure in the fact that langa's strong enough to keep him exactly where he is. now he can focus on langa's mouth—on his throat—and let the heat wash over him.
it's far too much, far too good. every moan langa makes is a paradise of vibrations, every motion of his throat milks his cock so hard that he couldn't stop himself from squirming now even if he wanted to. he can feel his heart hammering in his chest, his pulse throbbing just as painfully as the cock langa is swallowing down. he's so close, and then even closer when his hips strain to grind into that slick, tight heat and langa's hands prove themselves a solid and unyielding restraint. ]
Langa—Fuck. [ no, all of this is driving him out of his mind. he's practically sobbing with every word he manages to stammer out. ] Oh, fuck, I'm gonna— Langa, please.
[ Keeping a firm grip on Reki makes it easier for them both—Reki can lose himself in the pleasure, and Langa can focus on maintaining some control over it. It doesn't mean he can't stop thinking about what it would be like to have Reki fucking his throat, a thought that has him groaning around his mouthful. When he's able to focus on something other than the stretch of cock in his throat, he realizes that Reki is already close, ready to spill down his throat and give him what he's been working towards from the beginning.
He moans again, purposefully humming around Reki as he swallows to tighten his throat while hollowing his cheeks to suck on the base. There's spit leaking from the corners of his mouth where his lips stretch, and he looks up at Reki with watery eyes. In a split moment decision, he moves his hands from Reki's hips and around to grab at his ass, pulling him closer and silently encouraging him to fuck himself to completion. ]
[ the way langa looks at him is somehow just as sexy as it is devastating. it feels wrong to be so turned on by his glassy eyes and ruddy cheeks; the last thing reki wants to do is hurt him. but that wrongness makes him burn hotter too, turns him far more frantic to chase the edge he's so torturously close to.
he doesn't know what this is like for langa, so he tries to be mindful. it's just that langa's grabbing him, lifting him up and sucking him down, giving him free rein to move again. and reki can't stop it at all, can't think of anything but pounding against langa's lips as hard as he can, his fingers tearing in langa's hair, every muscle in his body trembling with tension. when he comes, it's explosive, he loses all the air in his lungs to a strangled cry and his vision dims until all he can see is vague bursts of light. he's grinding hard against langa's mouth, nevermind a nick from a tooth here or there—it feels so fucking good to just use him like this that for a second, he's not thinking at all.
but he's quick to pull away, breathing sharply, forcing himself up on to his elbow so that he can run his trembling fingers under langa's eye and brush away the tears. ]
Langa. [ really... hard to breathe. ] Are you okay?
[ The first buck of hips pushes the rest of the air from Langa's body, and he barely has time to draw more breath as Reki draws back and then thrusts back down his throat. A loud moan gets immediately stuffed back in his mouth as Reki fucks it, hands gripping his hair to keep him close. All thought leaves his mind and he's pulled down into each push of hips, each harsh slide of cock, each ragged moan from Reki. It feels amazing to give himself over to Reki's control while at the same time being totally aware that he's in charge of the pleasure he's feeling. The thought makes him just as light-headed as the lack of oxygen.
When Reki comes, he chokes at the feeling of it spilling into his throat and then greedily drinks everything down. He's still being held tight against Reki's hips, he nose nuzzling the hot skin at the base of his cock. Maybe it's the stupor of having his mouth fucked for the first time, but he thinks he could stay like this forever. It's why he whimpers softly when Reki pushes him off, a trail of saliva and come stretching from his lips to the tip of his cock. When he looks up at Reki blearily, he realizes his eyes are watery, but he smiles and hums despite his sore throat. The pain feels good, a reminder of what he'd done for Reki who's usually so good at holding off an orgasm. ] I'm good.
[ reki spends what feels like forever looking at langa, at his watery eyes and his raw, well-fucked lips and the sheen of saliva and come glistening on his chin. he's humming and saying that he's good, sure, and reki can finally breathe as soon as he says it, beginning with a big, deep, shuddering breath, but there's a dreamy look on langa's face that's different. he doesn't know what that is.
he reaches out, pulling langa into his arms and holding him as tight as he can manage without hurting him, pressing his cheek against his shoulder. there's just too many emotions mixing in his head, relief and worry and fear and guilt and—most prevalent of all—the overwhelming love he feels for langa. he loves him and he still let himself lose control. ]
I thought I went too far... [ thought? no, he definitely did, with no plan at all for if something went wrong. fucking stupid. no matter what his google search history looks like, he still has very little clue what he's doing. ] Does it hurt?
[ Langa stays where he is, perfectly content between Reki's thighs and absentmindedly dragging his nails over his hips—not scratching, since there's no force or intent behind it, just feeling him and the warmth of his skin. Then Reki is tugging at him and encouraging him to move up, so Langa gathers his legs beneath him and crawls into his arms. He hums again, and it feels like it vibrates through his entire body. It's an incredibly warm feeling, as floaty as his brain that's only filled with thoughts of Reki and how good it feels to be pressed up against him. ]
Mn-mm. [ Too far? Never, that would be impossible considering Langa would do anything for Reki, go to any length and beyond for him. He nuzzles against his shoulder, wrapping himself around Reki. There had been some moments of pain, but never anything that hurt. All of the sensations had just mixed together into intense pleasure and a sense of belonging. He loves Reki—loves him, not a realization because he always has known it but maybe never used the word itself—and he wants to be everything he needs. ] Feels good. Want more?
[ langa's voice and warmth and the gentle way he nuzzles against reki's skin do wonders to alleviate his anxiety. he can feel his heartbeat slowing with every breath they take together, perfectly synchronized, as always. reki squeezes him tightly, miserable with how much this boy in his arms means to him, and tries to ignore his head and listen to nothing but langa. ]
No. [ somehow, it always seems like langa is doing the most. he takes on every single whim reki can think of, gracefully and without a single fucking complaint. in comparison, it feels like reki hasn't done anything for him, not really, and the few things he has, langa's done them too—gone above and beyond, even.
he cradles the back of langa's head, covering all the skin he can reach in gently brushed kisses. ]
I wanna take care of you. Please tell me what you need. I'll do anything.
[ The no shakes through him, making his chest ache with the rejection even if he doesn't sound upset. Perhaps Langa had done something wrong that didn't feel good, or Reki didn't like how eager he was being, how slutty he was when he really got into it. His eyes continue watering, though more from confusion and concern now than the strain of having his face fucked. ]
Just wanna make you feel good. [ He paws at Reki's chest, grabbing at him but having nothing to dig his fingers into since they're both naked. Well, not entirely. Reki's headband is still around his neck, left forgotten because Langa had ended up too engrossed in and overwhelmed by riding Reki earlier to remember his plan. Another misstep, but it means he can reach up and tug on it now.
[ oh, right, the headband. langa's grasping at it, which makes reki pull away—not far, but enough so that he can cup langa's face in his hands and turn it for a better look. his skin is soaked, and how much of that is tears or anything else has become indistinguishable. his mind starts back up again, reeling at the sight, but he takes a deep breath. just listen to langa, right? do what he says. ]
You made me feel so good. Better than I've ever felt. You were incredible.
[ he leans in, brushing their noses, kissing his lips, the bone of his cheek, his brows. ]
Now I want us to feel good together. Do you want that, baby?
Reki... [ With him pulling away, Langa tries to grip more tightly. Everything feels like it's dialed up past ten, his skin tight and somehow cold despite the heat of Reki's body against his. When Reki tries to get a look at him, his eyes dart to the side when he thinks about how much of a mess he must look and wonders if it's okay. He hadn't asked Reki before deepthroating him and had practically begged him to fuck his mouth—maybe Reki was feeling used by him.
Shaking against Reki, he sobs at the reassurance and draws in a shaky but deep breath. He's not sure what's happening or why he's feeling such intense emotions, but as long as Reki is there with him and happy, he can get through it. The praise eases the pain in his chest, and he leans in to the kisses to return each one eagerly when they land on his lips. ] Yes, whatever you want, I just need you.
[ reki feels it, the way langa tries to hold on. he won't let him suffer it for long. soon enough, his hands are dropping, slowly, gently, carefully lifting langa up on to his lap. this is far better, a place where they can share breath and tangle all around each other, where reki can run his hands all over langa's body in languid, soothing circles as they rock together. ]
I need you too. I...
[ he thinks of earlier, of how quickly langa had jumped on the idea of moving in with him. like a real future was certain. and then reki had almost said it, even given langa the chance to guess it, but it's better this way. now reki doesn't just want to tell him; he needs him to know.
the only problem is he can't stop kissing langa. he pauses just long enough to say: ]
[ Langa follows where Reki moves him, doing his best to make it easier and slot against him like they were built for one another. Perhaps they were and that's why he's so desperate to make sure Reki still feels that fit and enjoys where their edges collide and gets nothing but pleasure from sex with Langa. He can't hope to form the thought in this state, but somewhere deep down, he knows they're still young and new to this but he can't help thinking that it's everything he needs and all he could ever want.
The words strike him like lightning, reawakening all the bits of him that had gone numb from the pain and pleasure mixing together to form an intoxicating drug. He sucks in a shuddering breath, and he realizes he believes it instantly. There's no reason to ask him to say it again because he feels the words sink into his skin and find a home in his heart. He has tears in the corners of his eyes again, but for a very different reason. ]
Oh, Reki, I love you too. Love you, love you so much. [ He says the words clearly and then continues mumbling them against Reki's neck as he leans in to kiss it, peppering the phrase along his jaw and up to his ear where he whispers it again. ] Oh god, I'm sorry, I felt so strange.
[ it's so good to have langa back that reki's not even worried about the way his eyes are stinging. fuck it, nothing else matters. whatever he did, now they can fix it, just like they fix everything else. it'll always be okay as long as they're together. (or it won't be okay, but for once, the thought is so terrifying that he can't even entertain it.)
he takes a shaky breath and drags langa's face back to him. he needs so badly to see him, still has so many kisses that he needs to give him. ]
I'm sorry, I lost control, I love you so fucking much. [ not enough, apparently, to not fuck his boyfriend into a disassociated fugue. his stomach twists at the thought and the next breath he takes shudders deep in his chest. ] I never meant to hurt you.
What? [ He pulls back just enough to notice Reki's eyes are tearing up, too, and he instantly reaches to cup his face in both hands. There's some kind of disconnect between what Langa had felt and what Reki is thinking, and it makes him frown as he tries to piece things together. They lay there, holding each other's heads in their hands, and Langa leans in to kiss away the wetness blooming beneath Reki's eyes. ] I love you, Reki, I love you! You don't have anything to be sorry about.
[ Reki is clearly beating himself up about all of this, which is unfair to him since Langa had started every bit of it. He'd asked Reki to use him, asked to go down on him, asked for Reki to let go and fuck his mouth as he pleased. Hurt him? ] Reki, you didn't hurt me, I liked it. I liked it so much it sort of... It was like being in the zone, except instead of feeling nothing, I felt everything.
[ he's such a lame, pathetic wreck right now that it takes him awhile to catch up. there's so much to hate about himself and the situation in his head—his weakness, the idea of hurting langa again, the fact that now he's getting emotional about it and langa is comforting him—that it just doesn't register when langa absolves him of all that with an explanation.
he goes quiet except for the few ragged, shaky breaths he takes, scanning langa's eyes for any sign that he's just saying what he needs to say to make reki chill the fuck out. langa articulates it so well, though, it's hard to doubt him, even if it's just out of paranoia. ]
[ Langa is far off from being a good talker, but he's pretty good at knowing when to not talk. He lets Reki process things, lets him have the time to scan Langa's face and see that he's being genuine. Smiling, he reaches up to brush Reki's hair back from his forehead and plants a kiss between his eyes, then on the tip of his nose, and finally on his lips. He'd be lying if he wasn't riding the high of them confessing they were in love with each other—again, not a surprise, but something that felt so natural, so good to finally say, that he can't help the elation that comes with that.
Nodding when Reki finally speaks again, he moves his arms down to wrap around Reki's shoulders and push between his back and the bed so he can hold him close. ] Yeah. I... um, it was sort of hard for me to feel anything for a while, but then I met you, and my heart kind of exploded. I feel so much when I'm with you. Then just now, I felt really safe knowing you had control over everything but it also felt so amazing that you would let go of your control because I made you feel so good, too. You always make me feel so, so good, Reki, and I kind of lost my mind when I could do that, too.
[ it feels so, so good to just be held, listening to langa talk while his breathing steadies and his heart pieces itself back together. langa doesn't seem mad or like he's trying to placate him—he sounds genuinely happy. and part of that probably has something to do with reki manning up and finally telling langa how he feels, which kind of makes him want to cry again, but for way better reasons.
anyway, he's calming down. he's dragging his fingers over langa's skin in slow, cathartic motions, humming in response to the things langa says, letting langa walk him through it. some things he already knows—he definitely knew langa wasn't okay when he first met him, even remembers talking with oka about it—but it's such a rarity for him to just go on like this that reki refuses to do anything but enjoy it until he's done. ]
But you liked it? [ that's the most important thing. he can't have any lingering doubts about whether or not langa wanted this. ] ... All of it?
[ Reki is definitely the more talkative between the two of them. He knows so much, and he's friendly and charming in a genuine way that makes Langa want to listen to him talk about anything. It had been part of what attracted him to Reki in the first place, and something he values in him as a partner. Langa himself isn't so good with words, but when it comes down to important things like this, sometimes the thoughts finally flow. It's like when he'd complimented Reki in the skate park, that first step towards maybe confessing how much Reki meant to Langa. Now, it's even more vital that he makes sure Reki understands how he felt and stops blaming himself for something that doesn't need to be blamed on anyone. ]
I liked it a lot. [ He smiles and kisses Reki, soft and reassuring. ] I asked for all of it. You're good at reading me, you knew I wanted you to let go just like you did.
[ reki lets his eyes slip shut, just feeling the kiss, letting langa's response resonate for a second. it's another moment where he needs to get out of his head and trust langa—which isn't that difficult, because he does. he trusts him, even when all that crooked bullshit his head gets up to is telling him not to do it. ]
I thought I fucked up... [ that's obvious. the sudden fear that he doesn't know how to read langa as well as he thought he did was half of the problem to begin with.
rather than dwell on that, reki reaches up, fondly stroking langa's cheek. it was a good thing, langa said so. that means he needs to focus on making it the best thing, because that's all he wants for langa. ]
Oh babe, no, it was amazing. Really, I can't explain how it felt. I just know it was a good feeling.
[ He smiles at the soft touch and nuzzles into it. It's sort of impossible to imagine they were just having such wild sex and now, they're cuddling and confessing their love and feelings. His relationship with Reki really is like none he's ever had before, and it goes beyond the fact that they have sex together; he trusts Reki deeply, even more than he trusts himself at times.
The questions are valid, but they make Langa pause to think. To show that he's not hesitating for any bad reasons, he uses the time to kiss Reki softly, slowly, learning the shape of his mouth all over again. When he pulls away, it's with a thoughtful hum. ] I think I sort of freaked out when you said no. Maybe not... that? You should say no if you don't want something! But, um, a different way...
[ He frowns because suddenly, he's lost his ability to express himself again. If only it could be a skill and not a switch that seemed to turn on and off by its own will rather than Langa's own. ] Just be yourself. Tell me you love me. I trust you, I know you're not going to hurt me. [ Then he blushes and shakes his head a little. ] I mean, really hurt me. I... liked a little pain. When you were smacking my ass and... when I was choking.
[ this is helpful. it's more mechanics that he can build upon with confidence; reki knows about cause and effect, about the difference between positive and negative reinforcement. these are rules and boundaries he can set in his head when everything seemed so nebulous and overwhelming before. (he thinks, actually, they should probably do a lot more of this in the future too.)
when langa loses his train of thought, reki is quick to brush his hair out of his eyes and smooth over it, waiting. he's fine with waiting for langa to come up with the right words. more people (especially reki himself) should probably be just as mindful as langa is. and anyway, that confession leaves him speechless for a second—until realization hits. he knows the word for this! ]
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Good baby...
[ he's being so very good, so open and sexy and responsive. he deserves the slow drive of reki's cock as it slips into the velvet heat of his mouth, even though reki really thinks he's the one coming up lucky, unable to stifle the broken moan that breaks loose from his throat when he pushes against the wetness of his tongue. it's waves and waves of pleasure washing over him, and langa hasn't even moved yet. just the image of langa's face, so strikingly sweet even with a dick in his mouth, is enough to make him feel like he's burning up from within.
his fingers slide into langa's hair again, stroking fondly. ]
Suck it.
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His sweet expression turns determined as he's given a clear command, one that he's happy to follow. He sucks as he pushes down further on Reki's cock, taking him inch by inch. When he gets to the point where he'd normally stop he hesitates, glances up at Reki, and then smiles around his mouthful before continuing. He sinks lower and lower until his lips reach the base of Reki's cock, the muscles of his throat fluttering around the head. Langa may not be great at research, but he will practice something until he gets it right and can land the trick—in this case, suppressing his gag reflex. ]
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and then—langa keeps going. reki feels himself plunging into a part of langa he's never felt before, even tighter, even hotter, searingly wet. his fist clenches in langa's hair involuntarily, all he can do to keep his hips from jerking off the bed. he's aware that would be an awful, awful mistake; he knows just enough to know this kind of stuff isn't easy.
but langa's never, ever satisfied with easy, not even in bed. he's always extraordinary, and now reki gets to not just see it but feel it, his breath hitching at the sight of langa's throat bulging with the cock he's speared himself upon. ]
Langa. [ there's no sense trying to hide the awe in his voice; it's not fucking going anywhere. ] Holy shit.
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The reaction is worth it, approval clear even if Reki doesn't say it explicitly. Langa moans again, his own cock aching with pleasure that comes simply from a job well done. He's achieved a goal and now they both get to enjoy the benefits of this new skill. Humming around his mouthful, he stays in place for a few moments more before pulling back until he only has the head still between his lips and he can inhale deeply through his nose. He doesn't wait long before plunging back down, however, bobbing his head in a steady rhythm but always keeping Reki deep in his throat for longer than the time it takes to pull up and breathe. ]
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it's far too much, far too good. every moan langa makes is a paradise of vibrations, every motion of his throat milks his cock so hard that he couldn't stop himself from squirming now even if he wanted to. he can feel his heart hammering in his chest, his pulse throbbing just as painfully as the cock langa is swallowing down. he's so close, and then even closer when his hips strain to grind into that slick, tight heat and langa's hands prove themselves a solid and unyielding restraint. ]
Langa—Fuck. [ no, all of this is driving him out of his mind. he's practically sobbing with every word he manages to stammer out. ] Oh, fuck, I'm gonna— Langa, please.
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He moans again, purposefully humming around Reki as he swallows to tighten his throat while hollowing his cheeks to suck on the base. There's spit leaking from the corners of his mouth where his lips stretch, and he looks up at Reki with watery eyes. In a split moment decision, he moves his hands from Reki's hips and around to grab at his ass, pulling him closer and silently encouraging him to fuck himself to completion. ]
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he doesn't know what this is like for langa, so he tries to be mindful. it's just that langa's grabbing him, lifting him up and sucking him down, giving him free rein to move again. and reki can't stop it at all, can't think of anything but pounding against langa's lips as hard as he can, his fingers tearing in langa's hair, every muscle in his body trembling with tension. when he comes, it's explosive, he loses all the air in his lungs to a strangled cry and his vision dims until all he can see is vague bursts of light. he's grinding hard against langa's mouth, nevermind a nick from a tooth here or there—it feels so fucking good to just use him like this that for a second, he's not thinking at all.
but he's quick to pull away, breathing sharply, forcing himself up on to his elbow so that he can run his trembling fingers under langa's eye and brush away the tears. ]
Langa. [ really... hard to breathe. ] Are you okay?
what are your feelings on subspace?
When Reki comes, he chokes at the feeling of it spilling into his throat and then greedily drinks everything down. He's still being held tight against Reki's hips, he nose nuzzling the hot skin at the base of his cock. Maybe it's the stupor of having his mouth fucked for the first time, but he thinks he could stay like this forever. It's why he whimpers softly when Reki pushes him off, a trail of saliva and come stretching from his lips to the tip of his cock. When he looks up at Reki blearily, he realizes his eyes are watery, but he smiles and hums despite his sore throat. The pain feels good, a reminder of what he'd done for Reki who's usually so good at holding off an orgasm. ] I'm good.
👍👍👍 ABSOLUTE FAVE
he reaches out, pulling langa into his arms and holding him as tight as he can manage without hurting him, pressing his cheek against his shoulder. there's just too many emotions mixing in his head, relief and worry and fear and guilt and—most prevalent of all—the overwhelming love he feels for langa. he loves him and he still let himself lose control. ]
I thought I went too far... [ thought? no, he definitely did, with no plan at all for if something went wrong. fucking stupid. no matter what his google search history looks like, he still has very little clue what he's doing. ] Does it hurt?
BLESS U
Mn-mm. [ Too far? Never, that would be impossible considering Langa would do anything for Reki, go to any length and beyond for him. He nuzzles against his shoulder, wrapping himself around Reki. There had been some moments of pain, but never anything that hurt. All of the sensations had just mixed together into intense pleasure and a sense of belonging. He loves Reki—loves him, not a realization because he always has known it but maybe never used the word itself—and he wants to be everything he needs. ] Feels good. Want more?
omf no bless YOU
No. [ somehow, it always seems like langa is doing the most. he takes on every single whim reki can think of, gracefully and without a single fucking complaint. in comparison, it feels like reki hasn't done anything for him, not really, and the few things he has, langa's done them too—gone above and beyond, even.
he cradles the back of langa's head, covering all the skin he can reach in gently brushed kisses. ]
I wanna take care of you. Please tell me what you need. I'll do anything.
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Just wanna make you feel good. [ He paws at Reki's chest, grabbing at him but having nothing to dig his fingers into since they're both naked. Well, not entirely. Reki's headband is still around his neck, left forgotten because Langa had ended up too engrossed in and overwhelmed by riding Reki earlier to remember his plan. Another misstep, but it means he can reach up and tug on it now.
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[ oh, right, the headband. langa's grasping at it, which makes reki pull away—not far, but enough so that he can cup langa's face in his hands and turn it for a better look. his skin is soaked, and how much of that is tears or anything else has become indistinguishable. his mind starts back up again, reeling at the sight, but he takes a deep breath. just listen to langa, right? do what he says. ]
You made me feel so good. Better than I've ever felt. You were incredible.
[ he leans in, brushing their noses, kissing his lips, the bone of his cheek, his brows. ]
Now I want us to feel good together. Do you want that, baby?
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Shaking against Reki, he sobs at the reassurance and draws in a shaky but deep breath. He's not sure what's happening or why he's feeling such intense emotions, but as long as Reki is there with him and happy, he can get through it. The praise eases the pain in his chest, and he leans in to the kisses to return each one eagerly when they land on his lips. ] Yes, whatever you want, I just need you.
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I need you too. I...
[ he thinks of earlier, of how quickly langa had jumped on the idea of moving in with him. like a real future was certain. and then reki had almost said it, even given langa the chance to guess it, but it's better this way. now reki doesn't just want to tell him; he needs him to know.
the only problem is he can't stop kissing langa. he pauses just long enough to say: ]
I love you so much, Langa.
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The words strike him like lightning, reawakening all the bits of him that had gone numb from the pain and pleasure mixing together to form an intoxicating drug. He sucks in a shuddering breath, and he realizes he believes it instantly. There's no reason to ask him to say it again because he feels the words sink into his skin and find a home in his heart. He has tears in the corners of his eyes again, but for a very different reason. ]
Oh, Reki, I love you too. Love you, love you so much. [ He says the words clearly and then continues mumbling them against Reki's neck as he leans in to kiss it, peppering the phrase along his jaw and up to his ear where he whispers it again. ] Oh god, I'm sorry, I felt so strange.
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[ it's so good to have langa back that reki's not even worried about the way his eyes are stinging. fuck it, nothing else matters. whatever he did, now they can fix it, just like they fix everything else. it'll always be okay as long as they're together. (or it won't be okay, but for once, the thought is so terrifying that he can't even entertain it.)
he takes a shaky breath and drags langa's face back to him. he needs so badly to see him, still has so many kisses that he needs to give him. ]
I'm sorry, I lost control, I love you so fucking much. [ not enough, apparently, to not fuck his boyfriend into a disassociated fugue. his stomach twists at the thought and the next breath he takes shudders deep in his chest. ] I never meant to hurt you.
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[ Reki is clearly beating himself up about all of this, which is unfair to him since Langa had started every bit of it. He'd asked Reki to use him, asked to go down on him, asked for Reki to let go and fuck his mouth as he pleased. Hurt him? ] Reki, you didn't hurt me, I liked it. I liked it so much it sort of... It was like being in the zone, except instead of feeling nothing, I felt everything.
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he goes quiet except for the few ragged, shaky breaths he takes, scanning langa's eyes for any sign that he's just saying what he needs to say to make reki chill the fuck out. langa articulates it so well, though, it's hard to doubt him, even if it's just out of paranoia. ]
... Yeah?
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Nodding when Reki finally speaks again, he moves his arms down to wrap around Reki's shoulders and push between his back and the bed so he can hold him close. ] Yeah. I... um, it was sort of hard for me to feel anything for a while, but then I met you, and my heart kind of exploded. I feel so much when I'm with you. Then just now, I felt really safe knowing you had control over everything but it also felt so amazing that you would let go of your control because I made you feel so good, too. You always make me feel so, so good, Reki, and I kind of lost my mind when I could do that, too.
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anyway, he's calming down. he's dragging his fingers over langa's skin in slow, cathartic motions, humming in response to the things langa says, letting langa walk him through it. some things he already knows—he definitely knew langa wasn't okay when he first met him, even remembers talking with oka about it—but it's such a rarity for him to just go on like this that reki refuses to do anything but enjoy it until he's done. ]
But you liked it? [ that's the most important thing. he can't have any lingering doubts about whether or not langa wanted this. ] ... All of it?
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I liked it a lot. [ He smiles and kisses Reki, soft and reassuring. ] I asked for all of it. You're good at reading me, you knew I wanted you to let go just like you did.
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I thought I fucked up... [ that's obvious. the sudden fear that he doesn't know how to read langa as well as he thought he did was half of the problem to begin with.
rather than dwell on that, reki reaches up, fondly stroking langa's cheek. it was a good thing, langa said so. that means he needs to focus on making it the best thing, because that's all he wants for langa. ]
What if it happens again? What should I do?
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[ He smiles at the soft touch and nuzzles into it. It's sort of impossible to imagine they were just having such wild sex and now, they're cuddling and confessing their love and feelings. His relationship with Reki really is like none he's ever had before, and it goes beyond the fact that they have sex together; he trusts Reki deeply, even more than he trusts himself at times.
The questions are valid, but they make Langa pause to think. To show that he's not hesitating for any bad reasons, he uses the time to kiss Reki softly, slowly, learning the shape of his mouth all over again. When he pulls away, it's with a thoughtful hum. ] I think I sort of freaked out when you said no. Maybe not... that? You should say no if you don't want something! But, um, a different way...
[ He frowns because suddenly, he's lost his ability to express himself again. If only it could be a skill and not a switch that seemed to turn on and off by its own will rather than Langa's own. ] Just be yourself. Tell me you love me. I trust you, I know you're not going to hurt me. [ Then he blushes and shakes his head a little. ] I mean, really hurt me. I... liked a little pain. When you were smacking my ass and... when I was choking.
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when langa loses his train of thought, reki is quick to brush his hair out of his eyes and smooth over it, waiting. he's fine with waiting for langa to come up with the right words. more people (especially reki himself) should probably be just as mindful as langa is. and anyway, that confession leaves him speechless for a second—until realization hits. he knows the word for this! ]
You're a masochist?
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sorry for being slow compared to before, work sucks
get outta here no apologies ill wait 4eva friend
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feel free to take that hand all the way >>
i love it when im bout to ask u smthn & u beat me to it u beautiful angel 💜
we vibing babyyyy
SO SORRY fuck this weekkkkkk
no sorries I'll wait forever!
😭 ill be slow again this weekend but THEN..........
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now I’m gonna be ruined for size cheerleader Reki
IM SO SORRY (but also maybe not sorry)
DON'T BE SORRY FOR SPOILING LANGA
i mean if anyone deserves to be spoiled it's snowbae
his boyfriend needs spoiling, too! protect the sunshine at all costs
dont spoil the slime
Langa is #1 slime lover
langa no 😭
langa YES
lmao the most langaesque response
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