[ without even knowing, qi fang knows what it is. the dread that had begun to settle like a fog over their blissful afterglow now feels like cold mist that will linger, and before he can help himself his eyes dim like shuttered windows.
he doesn't move, but at least that means he doesn't pull away.
a moment passes, and then he's sighing, forcing the tension out of his body. honestly if he could, he'd laugh. he can't say he didn't see this coming. how could he ever really expect reki to give up something to integral to his being?
fine... one day at a time, then. ]
I'm not mad.
[ and it's true, he really isn't. ]
When? [ he doesn't bother asking for more details. it'll just make not being mad harder. ] Tonight?
[ of course he knows. it's been The Thing all this time, like a fault line reki'd tried to patch over with caulk and paint that remains just as restless as ever. except this, this is different... not that it really matters as far as qi fang is concerned.
watching his gaze close off like that is what hurts worst of all, expected but still arousing exactly the same sense of panic as it always does. his hands slide to either side of qi fang's jaw; he's not moving, sure, but that's not going to prevent reki from trying to keep him present. ]
Nah, this weekend. Look...
[ tempting as it is to just let all these awful feelings crumble him into dust, he tries to keep his gaze steady instead. ]
You don't have to be cool about this. Just— Don't cut me out.
[ it's a shame, really. were qi fang not the one involved, he would have spared enough braincells to realize the growth reki's exhibiting right now, being this brave and steadfast in the face of the thread of heartbreak.
then again, it probably wouldn't mean as much if he weren't the one involved.
he's curious. he's so morbidly curious the questions are right there on the tip of his tongue. ]
I'm not gonna cut you out, [ he makes sure to clear up first, even if it is in a guilty murmur. by now, his eyes have cleared, but they flicker off to the side briefly because he knows they must've betrayed him at some point.
he reaches up, giving one of reki's hands a squeeze and turns his face so he can press an absent-minded kiss to the palm there. ]
You gotta do what you gotta do, right? Just... [ a sigh, back to square one. ] Don't get hurt too much, okay?
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no subject
he doesn't move, but at least that means he doesn't pull away.
a moment passes, and then he's sighing, forcing the tension out of his body. honestly if he could, he'd laugh. he can't say he didn't see this coming. how could he ever really expect reki to give up something to integral to his being?
fine... one day at a time, then. ]
I'm not mad.
[ and it's true, he really isn't. ]
When? [ he doesn't bother asking for more details. it'll just make not being mad harder. ] Tonight?
no subject
watching his gaze close off like that is what hurts worst of all, expected but still arousing exactly the same sense of panic as it always does. his hands slide to either side of qi fang's jaw; he's not moving, sure, but that's not going to prevent reki from trying to keep him present. ]
Nah, this weekend. Look...
[ tempting as it is to just let all these awful feelings crumble him into dust, he tries to keep his gaze steady instead. ]
You don't have to be cool about this. Just— Don't cut me out.
no subject
then again, it probably wouldn't mean as much if he weren't the one involved.
he's curious. he's so morbidly curious the questions are right there on the tip of his tongue. ]
I'm not gonna cut you out, [ he makes sure to clear up first, even if it is in a guilty murmur. by now, his eyes have cleared, but they flicker off to the side briefly because he knows they must've betrayed him at some point.
he reaches up, giving one of reki's hands a squeeze and turns his face so he can press an absent-minded kiss to the palm there. ]
You gotta do what you gotta do, right? Just... [ a sigh, back to square one. ] Don't get hurt too much, okay?